Pregnancy has been quite a challenge for me so far. In fact I feel like the marathon I ran last year was a piece of cake now. I don't intend to make this a complaint in any form about being pregnant--on the contrary, I know by the end it will be the most rewarding thing I have done. I am so blessed to be a woman and to be able to carry this child, and my heart aches for those who may not be able to experience pregnancy in this life. But I wanted to document things that I have experienced thus far in my pregnancy. And to be honest, most of it has been really bad, but some small bits of it are so amazing that it makes it all worth it. (A marathon was that way too--a lot of pain but rewarding.)
When I first started getting really sick, I kept asking "how do women do this more than once?" Many moms would respond to me, "you will forget by the next child and that is why you keep having them." And I can see how it is true, I'm starting to forget some things I experienced in my first few weeks. I think God blessed us with the ability to forget so that we can keep doing hard things. But as a keepsake to look back on when my little sister goes through pregnancy and asks what mine was like, or when my children ask me, I want to be able to write down some things for them to know. So for the next 4.5 months I'll try and post different stories so that I don't forget them. I hope you enjoy them as well, but if not--well, tough beans.
I'll be 20 weeks on Thursday, and we are finding out the gender on Friday--just before Mitch leaves for Houston. I cannot wait. But the last few weeks have been really busy and rushed and when people started asking me if I had felt the baby yet, I sadly realized I hadn't. The doctor warned me it would be so light at first, maybe gas bubbles or tiny nudges. And I was worried that maybe I'd been to busy to sit and feel. But this morning was amazing. I usually get up at 6:20 now so I can hurry and get ready and eat something, and then have about 45 min- 1 hour of rest before I go to work. (Mornings are tough with nausea so I need the rest). This morning as I rested on the couch, I kept thinking "aw man, I'm having little gas bubbles in my stomach that make it hard for me to fall asleep." And then I realized--wait..these gas bubbles feel a little different! And then I noticed just to the left of my belly button these tiny little nudges. In that moment I had the most overwhelming feeling of love. What a miracle it is to be experiencing the gift of creating life. This moment is one of those small moments that makes months of throwing up and aching all worth it. (Mitch--I hope you are reading this so you can remind me of it when times get tough again!)
